Post 113 : A Theoretical Spiritual Awakening

Hi all! I'm back to civilization! After a one week long of computer absence, I can finally feel the pleasure as I nonchalantly click onto the keyboard. Oh yes, one of my defilement up at SBS was the dukkha of not having to go on the Internet. Anyway, it was manageable lah.


Before I really start on my experiences, let me provide a sneak peek to my spiritual background. I was what all devoted Buddhists call as Wesak Day Buddhists. Maybe I do not only go all religious on Wesak day, I do help out as much as I can in my temple and SBS lah.

I am also very easily influenced. Just a year ago, I changed my religion status from a Buddhist to "still searching". Why? Don't ask me, GOD/my karma knows!

One of the aunties from the retreat said to me. "You know, your status of seeking is just an excuse, you already know the truth but you're denying it because the truth you know is not as easy as the other truth you're considering." That was a wake up call!

True lah but I also put the blame on the shaky foundation that I've laid during my childhood days in Taiping. The sensual and worldly pleasures deluded my spiritual path. Not knowing the Noble 8 Fold Path was less important than not knowing and not developing my other worldly qualities. Funny how I grew up with such a religious family but I don't even bother to keep my 5 precepts!

So how can I be able to understand the religion that I claim to believe in without basic knowledge of the Dhamma?

"Do not go by revelation or tradition, do not go by rumour, or the sacred scriptures, do not go by hearsay or mere logic, do not go by bias towards a notion or by another person's seeming ability and do not go by the idea "He is our teacher". But when you yourself know that a thing is good, that it is not blamable, that it is praised by the wise and when practised and observed that it leads to happiness, then follow that thing."

A beautiful phrase by the Buddha from the Kalama Sutta. So simple yet so profound. He is indeed a Great Man!
Only to those whom dare to seek, only then you'll be able to taste the fruit of your labour.




Anyway, for those who do not know, retreat participants have to keep the 8 precepts. An additional of 3 to all lay Buddhists' 5. And they are :

1. To refrain from taking life.
2. To refrain from taking that which is not freely given (stealing).
3. To refrain from sexual misconduct (improper sexual behavior).
4. To refrain from lying and deceiving.
5. To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness.
6. To refrain from eating at the wrong time (by only eating from sunrise to noon, one ensures that all food eaten in a day is digested before nightfall).
7. To refrain from all entertainment and decorations (e.g., dancing, wearing jewelry, watching movies, going to shows, etc. This especially includes entertainment that bring the viewer's mind to sexual imagery).
8. To refrain from using a high, luxurious bed, or beds that provide extraneous softness or comfort.
   

As I've explained earlier, I went in with minimal knowledge of Buddhism and zero knowledge on meditation. In fact I actually went in skeptical.

Due to this, the first few days of my meditation was unpleasant. I could only see displeasure, more and more of dukkha in my mind and I slowly got disembarked off my main purpose. My meditative routines were done in rush and forceful methods. Other participants could sit for hours and hours but all could see me snoozing away in less than 10 minutes.

I wasn't able to concentrate on my senses without the mushrooming of yet another silly question from my mind. There was just too much delusion!

In the end, I reduced my sitting time to the shortest period possible and ventured out to doing hiking meditation, sweeping leaves meditation, cutting fruits meditation and petting dogs meditation. I never learnt to watch my displeasure. I was just too skeptical and ignorant!


Despite the stunted development in meditative approaches, I gained a different form of awakening. I finally realised that my Dhamma is way way too shallow causing so much pain and displeasure in me.
A year ago, I embarked on a journey to seek for truth. I went into no-man's land and I went into self-proclaimed land. And in the end, I finally realized that I am actually on a carousel!
Yes, I went far but I am now back on where I started from. I finally realised that the answers have been with me all along. It is indeed a 360 degree ride. I'm back at ground zero.

It's time to seek deep; not far and not wide. Buddhism is a religion that requires a lot of understanding and a whole lot of profound wisdom. But I never had enough faith to seek until this retreat.

For a start, come Monday, I will be working up at SBS as a Dhamma worker. Bhante will be my CEO and my spiritual master. The uncles and aunties voluntering up at SBS will be my immediate supervisors and guidance. As for the numerous Dhamma books at SBS office and SBS library, it's time for me to start reading them.